I have been living in my head, a lot more than usual as of late.Questioning, sequestering, gathering inner energies, dispersing with what is no longer of service to me...attempting, to, at any rate. Not always easy...so many tendrils of negativity and mistrust - of myself, and of others - have woven their way into the nooks and crannies of my mind and heart. Walls built and rebuilt, cracks sealed over, made thicker....impenetrable. For my protection, dontcha know. From others. From myself.Not a good way to live. Lonely. Echoes of echoes.Everyday, of course, I put myself out there...auditions, job applications and interviews. But I have to face the fact that until I can find a way to open up the darkness hidden in this bruised, clenched, heart, find some hope to this bereft soul, and re-learn how to trust...I may never get beyond skimming along an impenetrable surface, seeing only a reflection of what could have been, but never delving deeper into the knowing.That's one reason, I love my roof and the access it gives me to the sky and clouds...it is always changing, yet ever constant...and it is wide open to every possibility (like life.) Sitting up there, I find I can drop down deep into meditation and allow my soul some light and freedom to fly...I was in a profoundly moving weekend intensive last week - a combination of acting fundamentals tied into life fundamentals. It was indescribable in many ways...but as Candace, our teacher, explained: so much of what was shared was received, and will be working it's own way into each of us, in our own time. I can feel twitches and twinges of recalibration going on...it is impatience, perhaps, that is making this 'after time' so discombobulating. There was no magic wand....no overnight alteration....yet a feeling of 'what was once' no longer being enough.I shall keep returning to my meditation and to becoming more open...like the skies...and trust that I keep moving forward...even with baby steps.